A friend of mine who’s part of a multiple system and I were talking and our systems came up. I could be wrong, and hopefully he’ll tell me if I am, but it seems like his system is more or less like mine in the sense that only he is the primary fronter, although he isn’t stuck.
One thing he mentioned was that apparently some people have accused him of forcing the other people in his system not to front and repressing them, rather than it being a mutually agreed upon thing. I wasn’t there for the conversations, so I don’t know exactly what occurred and won’t comment on that. But this is a pretty problematic thing to just assume, especially if the people refuse to hear that this isn’t the case.
Sadly, it’s also very common for people to actually do this to their headmates. I have seen systems where one person refused to accept the validity or personhood of anyone else in the system, even went so far as to try and murder them. People in multiple systems are just like other people- being locked in a room, treated as inhuman or nonexistant or even called a demon, having someone try to kill you? How would you feel if someone you live with or nearby tried to do that to you, insisting that it’s their house/street and so they have every right to abuse and lock up and even kill you so that only they‘re in charge of their house/street? It ends very badly, too, because it rarely really works so all it really serves to do is cause chaos and make it incredibly difficult for everyone to work together.
I also know of at least one system who faced people in the multiple community suspecting they were faking because their system wasn’t particularly stable, which generally means that they need more support because it can be hard to deal with things when it’s not stable. And there are people who will pretend to be multiple, generally upholding the worst stereotypes of multiplicity (because that’s what singlets think all multiple systems are like) and sometimes causing problems in the community by starting drama or even trolling. It can also be very painful if a person gets attached to one of the made up headmates to find out they never existed.
The multiple community is in a delicate situation. It has no real acceptance, some people will deny their existence just because they “don’t believe” in MPD/DID (which is distinct from multiplicity, but are also real and valid), systems who have been severely and purposefully mucked about with by therapists for the hell of it, and I don’t think there’s anywhere where it isn’t legal to fire, evict, take away children from, or institutionalize a multiple system just for being multiple.
There isn’t much support for multiple systems, and perceived threats to the community are not only very serious but can even be triggering. Which is both why these assumptions are a big problem and also why they happen. Seeing someone repressing their system is very painful for people who have experienced it or know that it could happen to them at any time or who just recognize how painful it is to have that happen. Being accused of doing it just because of the way a person’s system works means that the person doesn’t get support that they may need, and it can be very painful to be accused. The same thing happens when a singlet pretends to be a multiple system, it can cause big problems for the community and hurt people deeply. But when a system is accused by other systems of being fake, that cuts deeply because the multiple community is where people should be able to go to be seen as real.
I don’t know if there’s a solution to problems like this, but it is a problem.