As anyone who’s dealt with trans issues knows, pronouns can be a problem. But they also have an interesting twist in the multiple community, although this may be me overthinking.
My default gender [neutral/queer/non-specified] pronoun is singular they. For the most part, singlets don’t seem to care unless I say “My partner… they were…” or something, then they get stupid and go “How many partners do you have?!” because I couldn’t possibly have a partner who prefers neutral pronouns. [/rant] However, I’ve also used it for multiple systems whose pronouns I didn’t know in a singlet space and been told off for “outing” them, even though I meant it to be singular.
I’ve noticed that when I use “you” (singular & plural) to mean a specific member of a system, I feel like I have to clarify when I’m talking about the people in general. And “you guys” is right out unless I know they’re all male (and even then… I’ve been feeling squicky about male-specific/generic words), which leaves me with the delightfully southern y’all.
It probably is me overthinking, but the way english has a lot of singular/plural genericism can be aggravating when talking about things like this, where getting it right is more important. It actually causes problem with singlets as well- but I guess I’m more sensitive with this. I generally don’t have to worry that I might inadvertently deny singlets’ individuality and existence (and I care more about not doing it to multiples than singlets anyways).
There’s a lot of problems in language, too, it just isn’t designed with multiples in mind- but this feels like something very basic and very aggravating.