I’m tired of being out here, I need a break. But I can’t. I’m scared, scared of what’s there, scared of not having control, scared of the unknown, just scared to death of the very thing I crave more than anything. And then things get complicated, all because of that stupid little thing called love. Now it’s just hard to leave someone I’m happy with to try and find something I might not be. I haven’t been able to since I left school because I knew that they’d be on in the morning and I couldn’t bring myself to drag myself back and risk missing a minute talking to them. And that’s not really fair… because I still want to go home, I don’t want to stay, even if I could just be in the back and someone else went ot sleep with the body so I wouldn’t miss a thing. Of course, then I’d probably be exhausted, pass out back there one day so that someone else had to deal with the morning. But there are worse things.
I just want to go but don’t know how, and I think the biggest block is me. The body clings and everything anchors me, but they don’t control me. I could still choose to ignore them, find a way to, but instead I’m scared. I don’t want anything to happen while I’m gone, I don’t know if I can do it and want to quit before I dissapoint myself, and I don’t know how to deal with anything.